There are four seasons in the year
All are special to you to you my dear
in the spring when flowers grow
I loved you more than you’ll ever know
your as hot as summer and blazing like the sun
when I gazed at you I knew you were the one
in the fall when things are down
I looked for you when you’re not around
in the winter when its cold and shiver
you left me outside alone to quiver
by Jonathan Layssard
Message from the author: Please leave comments, I want to see if I’m good at this.
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
The errors detract from the content. For example: “I looked for when you’re not around” should be “I look for you” because looked is past tense or I looked for you when you were’nt around instead of “not” around. If the whole poem is past tense then make all of the sentences that way, if not then consider revising. Also, “your” should be you’re or you are in the sentence “as hot as summer”. The shiver and quiver, sorry but not good. And the sentence “in the winter when it’s cold and shiver???? The winter doesn’t shiver, we do. It is a good poem just need to fix these things. In many great poems not every line rhymes. Consider: ” In winter’s cold, you’re not around……..I am alone.” It will leave the reader feeling your aloneness and the bleakness of the situation. Hope you take the suggestions meant with love. Blessings. Keep on writing.
Gloria thanks for the comment although i wrote it in the 9th grade ..(10th right now) i plan to make it past tense. yes we shiver not winter but as long as it comprehends its good. now your to you’re it really doesnt matter when you say it aloud no one can tell the diffrence. But you seem like an expert. im happy you glance at the errors instead of the meaning ..no poem is perfect ..
ps: thank your for saying its good .Blessings. Keep on analyzing
You are right, when you say “your” aloud it does not matter, however in writing it does. You must strive to do your very best and constantly improve by correcting your errors. I only mean to help, not to be critical. I did get the meaning of the poem, which is what caught my eye. Also , of course, your last name. I am a decendant of Layssards and traced the family back to the 1600’s. Perhaps we share some DNA. I am not an expert by any means, but do write and have written many poems myself.