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Memory
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4:48 PM
March 28, 2010


i_miss_you

Member

posts 141
1

From the taste of you toungue

to the feel of your fingertips

are two of a million things

That I know wont leave my memory.


From the kindness in your heart

to the hate that was shared

are two more things

that will not leave my memory


From the day we met

to the day you left

I have locked in a box that will be

kept forbidden in my memory.

                     :By Cassie K'Lynn<33


                      Please rate and comment:] please and thank you:]

~~~HeartsBurstIntoFire~~~

4:50 PM
March 28, 2010


i_miss_you

Member

posts 141
2

Post edited 4:51 PM - March 28, 2010 by i_miss_you

http://www.poemsonly.com/new/m…..-49-30.php

 There is the link<3  RATEE PLZZZZ But the words are well.. Very big:/

~~~HeartsBurstIntoFire~~~

8:45 PM
March 30, 2010


Jules

Member

posts 91
3

“kept forbidden in my memory.”


Please forgive my negative way at words, in it's own reality, I would have worded it very similarly.


—Jules

5:50 PM
April 1, 2010


i_miss_you

Member

posts 141
4

Wait, huh?? You just officialy confused me….. “/   Lol…”]

 And if what you are saying is negative… I apprictate it”] I need to know what to work on”]

~~~HeartsBurstIntoFire~~~

9:08 PM
April 4, 2010


Jules

Member

posts 91
5

Oh, sorry I can get cryptic in my play with words. What I meant is that I like that last line cause it sounds so negative that it feels real. Everything (unfortunately) is not roses, peaches, and cream. Loves are lost, and it is bitter. How you keep it “forbidden” I do not know. Are you locking it away forbidden to others; or in some way is it forbidden in the reenactment of what is no longer yours, yet you indulge in the memory all the same? Yet, when I read a poem I don't like things to always be as plain as day—I like wondering “what exactly did they mean?”.


Now the hard part. If you want me to pick some flaws—you forgot the (') in won't. Other than that I wouldn't change it because it's you and that is what I want to see when I read your words. You'll develop of your own. It's hard to say what I would have wrote without rewriting it—then it would be mine, not yours. Want me to re write it? I did just for fun—but it won't be yours.


I began writing in 1987. I completed my first compilation in 1995. My second inspiration came in 2007, a fast fury of feelings resulting in over sixty poems in little over three months. Then I began entering them on computer. Over the years my old ones had been rearranged numerous times; this time all my words for the next two years where changed, revamped, corrected, improved, until I have a finished work and a style that is mine. I like my words and my stile—though some of my poems had to be improved before I was satisfied. So don't be afraid to make changes here and there to your old poems as you improve and develop your style. You'll be happier in the end with your “masterpieces”. Watch the movie  The Tiger and the Snow (La tigre e la neve). I keep telling people about this movie and it seems no one is listening. That man has a way with words that he breaths. Listen to how he breaks out into poetry just explaining it to his students, and when his love is sick. He explains how sometimes a work must rest and be completed later; while others burst alive as of their own will.


Anyway, I was saying that I like the poem—even the sadness in the finality of the relationship you must lock away.

9:11 PM
April 4, 2010


Jules

Member

posts 91
6

The Tiger and the Snow:


http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0419198/

5:48 PM
April 5, 2010


i_miss_you

Member

posts 141
7

I promise i will watch it when i have time:]

It seems good:] And thank you:] You just made me feel way better about my poetry:]

~~~HeartsBurstIntoFire~~~

7:36 PM
April 5, 2010


Jules

Member

posts 91
8

Post edited 7:40 PM - April 5, 2010 by Jules
Post edited 7:44 PM - April 5, 2010 by Jules
Post edited 7:45 PM - April 5, 2010 by Jules
Post edited 7:46 PM - April 5, 2010 by Jules

Ok, it's tomorrow now and I've been thinking. I don't believe I gave you what you need. How many times I have wanted feedback or constructive criticism and no one to ask; or I would just get “It's nice.”


If you need to ask for critique the reason may be one of a few things. 1) You are not confident in your own abilities. I understand that. 2) You are not completely satisfied with the final product. Let us fixate on the latter as it will lead to the first—you are not satisfied with the poem's outcome and you feel it could be improved. First of all, one or two or even three bad poems does not make you a bad writer. I have written several of what I feel where/are bad poems. Remember that a given poem does not have to be finished as is. There are poems that come out perfect, there are those you put away and finish later, and there are the other kind. These are the ones you must finish now because you want to capture the feeling you have NOW. These can be the toughest and are akin to meeting a deadline. In this case you have written your poem—and you are not satisfied with it—so, now comes the hard work. Pull out the dictionary, the thesaurus, your rhyming dictionary, what have you, and a nice beverage. Now start rewriting, rewording - line - by - line. You aren't ruining your poem, you're making it better. Some poems come out perfect from the start, and some come out as pure mush. When you are in love for instance. Have you ever been in the the presence of a really hot guy (or girl) and all that came out of your mouth was something the equivalent of “Bliouoj. Moooihiohbnlkj, Duhliiuhkakapoopoo, or it may have been pure sentiment but not eloquent at all? Sometimes when we capture the first words of our heart it is like that. So now you have these words that capture your innermost feelings. Call that your rough draft. By adding words, taking words away, and changing the structure you are not loosing the essence, you are embellishing, you are refining it. It's like a skilled potter who throws down to the wheel a lump of whet clay. He forms it into a distinct shape—it is obvious what it's purpose is—it already looks beautiful, but the artisan is not through. He takes out tools that scrape off the rough spots and smoothes the surface, removing traces of flaw and imperfection. It has gone through several stages now. He adds to it a handle. He pops it into the oven. Before he puts it on display though he skillfully paints upon it a design. Now he can glaze it, and it is complete. Do you see all that goes into this art? If you are not satisfied then rework it; and remember that if a piece of potery can not be fixed there is always the potter's smashing tool with which he dashes to pieces—and a new work is born.


You need to have confidence in your work. Do you think the classical “greats” Mozart or Paganini doubted their composing and performance abilities? A great artist knows they are good. They must; and no one back then, try as they did, could silence them; they could not, because they where good. So in conclusion, if you must, rewrite or rework it until you can post it with confidence—even if it takes you a week to finish. However, as you build that confidence to stand by your words, try to stay humble. This is one of the worst pitfalls of the artist—to come on a forum and say in all haughtiness “Hay everybody, LOOK AT ME. I AM THE MOST AMAZING POET ON EARTH.” Boy I hate that attitude. To keep myself humble I remember that when I'm gone, and as time passes, no one will care who I was. So be humble and people like me will love you today; but the haughty don't care about each other because they're too busy playing King of the Hill—trying to through each other down to the bottom to make themselves feel high.


Look forward to seeing what you do next.


—Jules

7:02 PM
April 6, 2010


i_miss_you

Member

posts 141
9

Post edited 9:44 AM - April 7, 2010 by i_miss_you

Wow… Thank you:] Now i am going to try and find every poem i have made that i didn't/don't feel right about and i am going to sit down and just look at it and try to make them better, then i will tell you them, AND THEN do all the other things you said that will help… Thank you so much… I didn't think anyone would be this nice to me and tell me what to do that will improve my talent as a poet… Thanks:] Lol


           <33Cassie K'Lynn


P.S…. I will try and have more confidence in myself as well:] Thank you again.. I really do apppriecate all this:]

~~~HeartsBurstIntoFire~~~
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